


thou breath of Autumn's being

by ac_MaryAgnes



Series: Can Spring Be Far Behind? [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Families of Choice, Family Drama, Free Baby with Each Purchase, Gen, Misguided Dumbledore, Severus Snape Adopts Harry Potter, Severus Snape Has a Heart, i feel so bad for petunia dursley sometimes, until i don't
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-13 16:52:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13574838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ac_MaryAgnes/pseuds/ac_MaryAgnes
Summary: A heavy weight of hours has chain'd and bow'dOne too like thee: tameless, and swift, and proud.In November 1981, Petunia Dursley makes a decision that will change everything. The future is never set in stone.





	thou breath of Autumn's being

**Author's Note:**

> I love P. B. Shelley. And Ode to the West Wind is one of my favorites by him. 
> 
> I had this thought a while ago, of what might happen if Petunia changed the course of everything. There's one glaring plot hole, and I apologise for that, but we're going to wave our magic wands and ignore it for right now.

Petunia sat in the empty kitchen, her head in her hands. A letter on old parchment was unfolded on the table in front of her, and a yellow legal pad and a pen were off to the side. A cup of tea-spiked brandy was slowly going cold by her elbow. Upstairs she could hear Vernon snoring and the clunky baby monitor on the counter let her know that her son slept on as well. Her son and … Harry.

No one in his or her right mind would leave a baby on someone’s doorstep. And according to the letter open in front of her, someone clearly out of his mind had.

“Stupid man,” Petunia muttered to herself. “Stupid, _insane_ old man. Leaving a baby like that – anyone could have taken him.”

And what would Lily say then? Not that it mattered much now anyway, seeing as Lily – bright, popular, pretty Lily – was dead. Lily, the younger daughter; Lily, the special child; Lily, who could _do no wrong_. It never seemed to matter how well Petunia did in school or how much she tried – the whole world loved Lily more.

“She was so damned special, wasn’t she? And now all that special has gotten her dead.” Petunia pressed her fingers to her eyes and spoke into the hands covering her face. “Me, with all my ordinary, I’m the only one left. Never good enough before and suddenly good enough now?”

She hadn’t been good enough in school, bringing home maths and spelling and golden stickers on her papers when Lily brought spells and funny candies and magic. Petunia hadn’t been good enough in Uni, when Lily was going to war. But now, when she had a home and a life and had finally tried to put her past behind her, now she was good enough. And all because she was the only one left, a simple case of process of elimination; there was no one else, and that alone made her good enough.

“But I’m _not_ ,” she moaned, racking her hands through her hair and staring dismally at the letter again. She had made a promise to herself that she wouldn’t raise her child as she’d been raised – feeling insignificant because she was normal. But how could she do that, finally be free of being inadequate, when she had Lily’s damning eyes starting at her? She didn’t want to be callous; she didn’t want to be hard-hearted. Petunia was a coward, though, and knew it. And she would end up taking out all her jealousy and bitterness and resentment out on her sister’s innocent little boy. She could feel it welling up inside of her already – after only a day! – and that just wasn’t right.

There was one person she knew who might be able to help. Who might take the child and raise it away from… everything. Mostly away from Petunia and her family. Taking a fortifying sip from her teacup, Petunia pushed the old parchment away and pulled the legal pad and pen closer.

-

_Severus,_

_I have heard that your society is going through a period of great upheaval, so I hope this letter finds you well. While there is no love lost between us, I find that as much as I loath to, I must ask your assistance on a fairly pressing matter. Please contact me as soon as possible._

_It’s for Lily._

_Respectfully,_

_Petunia Evans Dursley_

-

Three weeks passed before her doorbell rang.

He arrived just after Dudley fell asleep for his afternoon nap. The man was dressed in black, though thankfully in normal clothes. He was taller than she remembered, and much thinner than should be healthy for a man his age. His eyes – which she remembered always being a bit sly – were dead, simply dark pools of nothing. His hair was lank and limp and his skin was wan, sallow.

“You look like you’ve just been released from prison,” Petunia blurted out with no preamble. Severus’ face tightened.

“I _have_ just been released from prison. Though not a criminal, I was one of those unlucky few during the ‘great upheaval’ you mentioned who was upheaved. Now what do you want, Tunny.”

A comment about manners was on the tip of Petunia’s tongue, but she held it in and gestured him through to the family room. She perched on the couch facing him and hesitated a moment before speaking.

“Three weeks ago, I found my nephew on my doorstep – left there like an overnight package. I can’t raise him, can’t have him living under my roof. You need to take him.”

Severus took a slow blink. “Pardon?”

“Harry was left here. I cannot care for him. Please take him away.”

“I’m sorry,” Severus shook his head, eyes closed. “That time in Azkaban, however short it was, must have me going deaf.”

“And Lily said you were smart,” Petunia sneered under her breath. “Lily’s son is _here_. He _cannot_ stay. Take him.” How many more times would she have to say it?

“Lily’s son, Harry Potter – the child they’re already touting as The Boy Who Lived – was left here on your doorstep.”

“Three weeks ago, yes.”

“And you want to give him away.”

“Not to just _anyone_!” Petunia protested, hearing the implication clearly in Severus’ tone. “Lily always spoke highly of you, even after your little… falling out. And… you know what my life was like after Lily found out about her…”

“Gifts.”

Petunia huffed, trying and failing not to get worked up. “Well, now she’s… and I was never _able_ to… and I _can’t_ , Severus, not without hating him for it all and he’s only a baby! I know it’s cowardly and I know it isn’t fair, but…. Severus, Lily trusted you, in the end. She wrote me, heaven knows why, and told me about how you…”

“Turned from the dark side?” Severus lifted an eyebrow.

“Yes. And after all those years together, after everything, she’d want you to have him. She would _trust_ you with him.”

Severus drew a deep breath, held it for a moment, the let it go. “If Lily Evans wanted me to raise her child, why was he brought here instead?”

Petunia frowned. Grabbing the letter on her side table, she thrust it in his direction. “I don’t know, precisely. Something about blood and a spell? None of that magic rubbish makes sense to me. If it’s so important to keep him safe, then take him out of the country. Change his name and set up shop in… I don’t know… Siberia. No one would find him there. I just… I just can’t, Severus.”

“Considering who his father is, I’m not so sure I can either,” Severus bit out, getting angry now as he snatched the parchment from her quivering hand. “Lily must have told you about her wonderful husband, how brilliant and kind he was at Hogwarts. You think I could take one look at that boy and not be reminded of the stupid, insolent fool who sired him?”

All this back and forth was making Petunia impatient. She wanted this resolved, quickly. “You could change that, couldn’t you? Do one of your switch-o change-o voodoo things and make him look like someone else? Anyone else – Bozo the Clown if you wanted! Then you could raise him to be as unlike that Potter fool as you so he wouldn’t be James Potter’s son – he would be yours, regardless of the genes that made him. But for me, Severus… I am weak, and no matter what he looked like, that boy would always be Lily’s son. And I don’t… I would become someone cruel and bitter, because all he would remind me of is her. God, he already does with those eyes.”

Severus looked up at her from the headmaster's loopy, insipid handwriting and studied the pinched pain on her face. “What?”

“He has my sister’s eyes and he just… _stares_ at me.” Petunia sniffed back her tears. “I can hardly stand it. You have to take him.”

Severus stood and paced the length of the room. Lily’s son, Potter’s son, the saviour of the wizarding world. Blood wards protecting him, and if Dumbledore put the wards up, there wouldn’t be many ways around them. A quick wave of his wand made the walls of the room glow white for a moment, then dim. Then again, maybe the wards weren't really much there after all.... Oh Merlin – was he really thinking about this?

“I will need a week,” Severus said, coming to a stop. “To think, to come to a decision. If I cannot take the boy, I will help you come up with someone else who can protect him. That seems to be the reason he was placed here. But I … I need a week, Petunia.”

 _‘Another week,’_ Petunia thought, biting her lip and twisting her fingers. _‘Another week of those spooky green eyes, of another mouth to feed, of not sleeping because of what I know is in this house.’_

“Fine. Just promise that you’ll take him somewhere away – safe,” she hastened to add, “but away – when the week is through.”

Severus looked at her and seemed to take her measure. Petunia wasn’t sure what he found there, if he found anything at all (none but Vernon ever had). But he must have seen something, for he nodded and with a turn of his heel, Severus Snape disappeared. Petunia sat back and let out a breath she hadn’t known she’d been holding. She allowed herself to relax a bit before standing and moving to climb the stairs to the nursery. In the pretty white crib, two infant boys slept. The blonde – a bit large for his age – had clutched all the blankets and swaddled himself in them, leaving nothing for the smaller black-haired boy napping at the other end. Petunia didn’t want to be the kind of person who couldn’t help a less fortunate innocent, but she simply couldn’t force herself to take from her own son and give her to sister’s. Which was exactly why she had written Severus in the first place.

Petunia grit her teeth and plucked the lighter spare afghan from the railing of the crib and tucked it quickly around her sleeping nephew. Then she turned and left, hoping to god that Severus Snape would take the boy soon.

-

Severus Snape did, in fact, return to Number 4 Privet Drive one week later. It was just after dinner when he rang the doorbell this time. He was cleaner perhaps, but no less haggard looking then he’d been before. Severus was again dressed in all black, like an undertaker, but the large coat he wore looked more like a winter over coat than a wizard’s cloak. He had two suitcases with him and a baby carrier.

“Oh thank god,” Petunia breathed when she saw them. “When you didn’t come this afternoon, I thought –”

“Don’t thank god yet, Petunia Evans,” Severus growled, stepping through the front hall. He set his cases down by the stairs and turned to look at her. “I’ll keep the boy, and I’ll make sure that if anyone comes here to look for him they won’t be able to get any information out of you or your husband. But you will agree to my terms and you will keep something for me.”

Petunia bit her lip and nodded. She’d agree to practically anything if it got the boy out of her house. “This way.”

She showed him once more into the family room. Vernon was on the couch with Dudley, speaking in low tones to the boy and showing him a new toy bought just that afternoon. Harry was by himself on the rug, chewing on one of Dudley’s old ABC blocks. Vernon looked up when Petunia and Severus entered the room and tucked his son a bit closer to him. Severus paid him no mind and instead crouched down on the floor in front of Lily’s son.

The boy looked up at him with big, solemn green eyes, so serious as he continued to chew on the toy. He looked at Severus like he knew his parents were gone, like he knew his remaining family didn’t want him.

“Hello,” Severus intoned gently, so as not to frighten the boy. He held his hands out, arms open to welcome the child. “Would you like to come with me?”

Harry pulled the block away from his mouth. “Mumma.”

“Mumma’s gone away, I'm afraid,” Severus told him, shaking his head. “She won't be coming back any time soon.”

Harry, clearly not understanding much about what was being said to him, put the block back into his mouth.

“I see what you meant about the staring,” Severus said over his shoulder. He picked the boy up and placed him carefully into the baby carrier, doing up all the buckles so Harry was fit snug inside. Severus pulled out a long, thin box from one of his coat pockets and his wand from his sleeve. On the couch, Vernon pulled his son in tightly, covering the boy’s head, and Petunia moved to stand in front of them, not wanting any harm to come to her son or husband. But all Severus did was conjure thick dark blankets to cover the toddler in the carrier. Then he put his wand in the box and turned, holding it out to Petunia.

“Hide this – up in your attic, downstairs in the cellar, I don’t care. There has already been a magical presence registered at this house. If it disappears but you remain, the people who placed him here will wonder and come looking. The wand will keep that from happening.”

“What… what about the blood thing?” Petunia asked looking at the still proffered box as if it were diseased.

“Don’t worry about the wards, Petunia. Take my wand and hide it. Now.”

Petunia, steeling herself, took the box and dashed out of the room. At the last second, she went and found the letter Dumbledore had placed with Harry and stuffed it in next to the stick before going down to the cellar. She went all the way into the back, near the clanking water heater, and buried the thin box within a larger one containing wedding gifts she and Vernon would never use. She returned quickly, not wanting to leave her family in the presence of the strange, frightening man Severus Snape had become.

“So you won’t be raising him to be… _abnormal_?” Vernon was asking as Petunia re-entered the room.

“We won’t be needing magic where we’re going, no.”

“And those blood-thingies,” Vernon blustered, “those wards. What about them?”

“Yes,” Petunia added. “Your old headmaster, in the letter he sent –”

“The blood wards are down,” Severus snapped. “They’ve been down, if they were ever up in the first place. In order to work, the relation must not only protect but also must love the one needing them. And while you are doing what you can to protect the boy, Petunia, you cannot tell me you love him.”

“No,” Petunia admitted after a moment, blinking back tears and swallowing her pride. “I cannot love my sister’s son. No more that you can tell me you’ll love James Potter’s child.”

“As you’ve so brilliantly pointed out before, Petunia, he won’t be James Potter’s son for very much longer.” They stared at each other for a long, tense moment before Petunia decided it best to change the subject.

“You mentioned keeping us safe if someone came looking for the boy?”

Severus took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Yes. There is a type of mind magic I can do without a wand, akin to hypnosis. It’s easier if you consent, but I intend to do it whether you want me to or not.”

“And what exactly will you be hypnotizing us to do?” Vernon demanded, growing pink in the face. “Cluck like a chicken?”

Severus refused to rise to the bait. “I will take every memory of Harry since you found him on your doorstep and bury them so deeply in your subconscious that no one would be able to find them. You will not forget the past four weeks – you will simply forget he was here.”

“Will I remember about Lily being…?” Petunia trailed off, not wanting to finish her sentence.

“Possibly not, as I’ll have to hide the letter Dumbledore sent you as well. I can try to leave an awareness of… of Lily’s passing if you like.”

Petunia thought a moment then gave a jerky nod. Lily was her sister after all, and Petunia figured it would be easier to forgive past hurts if she was at least aware of her sister’s fate. “Will you have to temper with Dudley, too?” she asked, hoping the answer would be ‘no’. She was relieved when Severus shook his head.

“Your son can hardly remember his own name – it would be a waste of time to hide someone he’ll forget tomorrow anyway.”

“Let's get this over with, then,” Vernon huffed, eager to have the strange man and child out of his house. So Severus went over to the man and started the process of hiding all the memories of Harry from the past four weeks. Then Severus gathered the Harry-filled baby carrier and slipped into the hall.

“He’ll have a small headache at most,” Severus told her quietly. “You’ll perhaps have a larger one as you’ve had more interaction with the boy. And I’ll be coming back for that wand one day, Petunia. When I do, you and your husband will remember everything, but that won’t be for a very long while. You’ll be safe until then and no one will bother you or your family.” Petunia nodded and opened the front door.

“Could you tell me where you’re going?” Petunia asked. “Since I won’t remember anyway?”

“Wales,” Severus said. “Not too far, but far enough.”

Petunia nodded again, then looked Severus in the eye. “You’ll take care of him,” she said. “Better than I could.”

Severus said nothing, and in a blink Petunia didn’t even know why she’d opened the door in the first place. Perhaps to get the post...? But no, that would have come through the slot. Must have been that McCullough boy knocking on doors and running away, causing trouble again. The boy was a menace. With a little sneer, Petunia rolled her eyes and shut the door. It was nearly Dudley’s bath time.

-

Severus Snape took a seat on the hard, plastic benches in the train lobby. His two suitcases were put down near his feet and the baby carrier went on the bench next to him. The child inside the carrier began to fuss, starting to get hungry. Severus unravelled the blankets and buckles holding the child safe and warm, and lifted the child – blankets and all – close to his chest. From an outside coat pocket, Severus withdrew a pre-prepared bottle. It was mostly formula with a little something extra.

“I know,” Severus cooed, popping the cap off the bottle and stashing it in his pocket again. “I know you’re hungry. It’s okay – drink this now. There’s a boy.”

Greedy lips latched around the nipple, then promptly let go with a fussy whine, little hands trying to bat the bottle away.

“I can’t help the taste,” Severus apologised. “And this is all I’ve got.”

He rubbed the nipple across Harry’s puckered lips again. Harry, clearly deciding that a slightly off meal was better than nothing, latched on again, though still whining as his chubby fingers curled around the cylinder.

“There you are,” Severus soothed, relieved. “That’s a good boy.”

Wide green eyes looked up at him, almost accusing in their directness. In them, Severus was able to see Lily, asking why he was changing her son. Why didn’t he take the boy to Dumbledore, show the old man the letter Petunia sent, and place the child with some other family?

“Because the headmaster wants to trap me and I won’t have it,” murmured Severus, still watching the boy watch him.

“I can’t tell you how glad I am to have been able to speak on your behalf, my boy,” Albus told him once Severus had been released from Azkaban. “You must know, however, that you’ll never really be safe. Not in the world, anyway. There are plenty of people – on both sides, Severus – who would see you hang. I know you’ve been thinking of starting your own business, and I so wish I could promise you that. But perhaps a few years here, at Hogwarts, wouldn’t be so bad? Just until the fervour dies down, Severus.”

Dumbledore had looked at him, all sympathetic smiles and sparkling eyes. But behind that concerned expression was the cat that ate the canary.

“Why don’t you take a few days to think about it? But not too long, mind you – wouldn’t want to invite trouble, no matter how accidently.”

Severus had been on the verge of accepting when Petunia’s letter had arrived. Things had been surprisingly simple after that. Forging muggle documents was easy and if they weren’t perfect, no one would notice. Humans expected mistakes, after all. Even from the first, he’d never had any intention of letting anyone else take Harry. The boy was Lily’s son, and while he was also Potter’s, that fact was easily brushed over with a Bastard’s Potion. Not a difficult brew to make by any means – even an idiot could do it. It was, in fact, created with idiots in mind.

And look at how well it worked. As little Harry finished his bottle, he turned his scrunched up face into Severus’ body, sneezed, and was changed.

The boy’s fingers were longer, as were his legs. Harry was somewhat lighter, too – Severus remembered hearing his own mother claim that for all his lank, Severus had always been a bit underweight as a child. The boy’s skin wasn’t quite as pink as before, taking on a yellow-sort of undertone that suggested he’d tan easier when he was older. And while Severus had his mother’s rain-straight hair, Harry now seemed to sport a tumble of midnight corkscrew curls, mirroring those of Tobias Snape.

The change Severus was most thankful for, however, was that to the boy’s face – the child looked nothing like Potter. While maintaining the baby fat typical of toddlers his age, Harry’s face had turned more to a point than it had been. He had the slightly square Evans chin, and his cheekbones sat a bit higher than before. Harry’s eyebrows lost most of their arch, becoming straight slashes like Severus’ own. Harry’s nose bore absolutely no resemblance to the rounded button it had been, becoming a smaller, less-hooked version of Severus’.

The only thing left unaltered was the boy’s eyes – they remained Lily’s, from the almond shape to the bright, startling green.

“We’ll be alright, now,” Severus whispered to the tot pouting up at him. A silent glamour as he smoothed the boy’s head hid the damning scar. “You and me, we’ll just fine on our own.”

Man and child disappeared into the night, never to return to the lives they’d known.

**Author's Note:**

> I have about 100 spiral-bound notebooks floating around my house right now, and the rest of this story is buried deep inside one of them. Until I find it again...¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
